RAISING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

– Lugina Miranda

Self-esteem is a view we hold about ourselves. If we view ourselves in a positive way believing we are worthy and capable persons, we possess a healthy measure of built-in self-esteem. On the other hand, if we view ourselves in negative way believing we are of little or no value and have low self-regard, we have an absence of built-in self-esteem. Low self-esteem is the root cause for failures, stress and depression. People with low self-esteem have a negative view of themselves and of the world they live in.

 

Follow these simple steps to boost your self-esteem:

1. Know Yourself: Self-knowledge is an important starting point. There are many paths to self-knowledge; such as attending workshops on self-esteem building, life career planning and life skills, counselling, yoga, meditation etc. Listening openly to what others say to you about yourself is one way to increase self-knowledge. However, many people are not open to hearing about themselves from others. Accepting both good and bad is extremely helpful and useful, especially bad things if you want to change. Self-awareness is the key to change and growth. The more you know about yourself, you will be in a better position to change what you want.

2. Respect yourself: It is extremely important to know that you are a good, capable and worthwhile person. You respect other people, often thinking more highly of them than yourself. All human beings are good. None is better than any other. Look at yourself in the mirror, and say: “I respect you”. Use your name in doing this. For Example, “Geetha, I respect you”. Repeat this often. A European doctor helped his clients by asking them to repeat twice daily: 

“Every Day in Every Way I Am Getting Better and Better”.

Try this, and if you enjoy it, repeat it daily. It can make you like yourself more.

3. Love Yourself: Those who love themselves fully will have more love to give others. When you were young, you were probably taught that loving yourself is bad. In our culture it is thought that self-love makes us selfish and insensitive to others. More recently; psychologists, philosophers, and educators have discovered that self-love is the beginning, a requirement for learning to love others. A wise and witty person once said “if you do not have enough love for domestic consumption, you will not have any left over for foreign export”. This implies that those who love themselves fully will have more love to give others. Be happy to spend time with yourself. No one is the reason of your happiness, except yourself.

4. Accept Yourself: Accept yourself wholeheartedly for who you are – the good, bad, fat, thin, ugly, too selfish, too shy, and too quick-tempered. We are all shades of black and white. So don’t be upset about your dark side. Accept that too. Most people are their own worst critics. If you don’t accept yourself, nobody will. And you can’t pretend to be someone else. People will ultimately discover the real you. You can be aware of areas of needed improvement. The more you accept yourself as you are, the more you will be able to grow and change. When you accept yourself, you are freed from the burden of needing others to accept you.

5. Trust Yourself: Trusting yourself implies knowing that you have the inner resources to be your own teacher, your own guide, your own decision maker. This does not mean you ignore outside “input”. In fact, you are the final decision-maker for matters relating to you. You are your own best judge, teacher and helper. You often feel incapable of deciding…where shall I go? What course shall I take? Shall I change my career or job? Shall I get married? What house shall I buy? Shall I have another child? The more serious the decision, the harder it is. Most of us fail in decision-making by not trusting our own self. Your own wisdom, intuition, “gut-level feeling” is all very important. Don’t ignore these inner signs.

6. Affirm Yourself: One of the most important ways to improve your relationship with your self is to affirm yourself. Affirming yourself is telling yourself nice things about who you are and what you do. It is most important to give yourself many warm fuzzies, strokes, validations. When you believe and accept your own strokes and validation, you are truly affirming yourself. Instead of worrying yourself for what you are not or have not done, give yourself strokes for what you are, pat your back for what you have done. An affirmation enters into your heart and makes you feel good about who you are. Keep a “Journal” or “personal growth note book” to write some validations regularly.

7. Nourish Yourself: Nourishing yourself means taking care of your mind, your body, your soul, and your feelings. It is taking charge of your life. You nourish yourself when you take time for yourself, to relax, to play, to read books you like, to travel, to enjoy the world, to love and be loved. You nourish yourself also when you take your own needs into consideration, without feeling guilty. Being assertive means to meet your own needs without hurting others. A self-nourished is one who says, and believes:” I am important, my needs are important, I will spend my time with those who respect and love me and avoid those who hurt me and insult me”. Here you are not self-indulgent or selfish or self-centered but rather you are self-nourishing.

8. Be Yourself: Being yourself is a gift to the world. Some people always follow heroes. Others become heroes. A hero is a person who is himself. Not your father, mother, teacher, boss or spouse. You are you. And that is the most beautiful person you can be. Never change your originality for the sake of others. Because no one can play your role better than you. So be yourself. You can cut your own path; you can find your own way. Live your own life. Dream your own dreams. Chew your own food. Digest your own ideas. Pick your own style. Because you are a master of your own life. No one in the history of human kind ever before was exactly who you are. If you try to be someone else or live up to someone else’s vision you are denying a piece of you. Try not to rob the world of the gift that is you. Do not underestimate yourself by comparing yourself with others. It is our differences that make us unique and beautiful. Be yourself and be blessed, bless others with the gift of you.

We can secure other people’s approval, if we do right and try hard: but our own is worth a hundred of it.

-Mark Twain

Raising self-esteem is a vital factor in learning to thrive on stress. If we possess high self-esteem, we feel good about who we are. We can take criticism in our stride, don’t get overwhelmed by feelings, and are less likely to over-react to stressful situations.