Evolve and Transform
CHILDREN AND SEXUALITY
– Lugina Miranda
One of the greatest challenge parents face in the modern society is educating children towards a healthy and safe life with facts and reality. Most of our young boys and girls are growing with lack of information and guidance and ruining their life. When they are small their minds are filled with number of questions seeking parents help. Some parents think they are too small to know and some parents just change the topic or give flying answers. They just try to escape from awkward questions from their children.
11-year-old Deepika is confused about pregnancy. Her question is “How do women become pregnant?” She asked her mother and her mother replied “You will come to know once you grow up”. Deepika is not satisfied with the answer, she asked her friend and her friend told her “When boys and girls touch and kiss.”
A group of 13-year-old girls were asking “What is wrong if we have boyfriends? We love to talk to them. Why are our parents not allowing us to talk to boys? What will happen if we talk to them?”
Priyanka says, since she is not allowed to talk to boys, she made some boyfriends on Facebook. She loves to chat with them and shares photos and other information to them. She asks “What is wrong in this? When our parents are not allowing us to talk to them, at least we can chat with them on face book.” Geetha, Priyanka’s friend opened an account on Facebook with a different name and profile picture so that her parents will not come to know. Anita, another friend asks “Why am I not supposed to wear the clothes that I want? Why are there so many restrictions – not to go for parties, not to go out with friends, not to go out in the evenings, etc.?
Several questions in the minds of young people are unanswered by parents, such as- What is rape? How does it happen? What is Condom? What is pre-marital sex? What is homosexuality? Etc. Not only questions, many teenagers have gone forward to the extent of having intimate sexual relationship without knowing the consequences.
People often confuse the word “sexuality” with “sex”. But they do not mean the same thing. Sexuality means everything in life that defines who we are as men or women. Sexuality includes our sexual knowledge, attitudes, values and behaviors. It’s shaped not just by our bodies and minds, but by our culture, education and experiences. When you teach your children about sexuality and not just about sex, you are giving them the skills they need to develop for a good relationship throughout their lives.
Parents often feel lost when they have to talk to their children about sex. There are several reasons for this. Some think that talking about sex matters will encourage their teenagers to go out and have sex. This is not going to happen. Numerous research studies have conclusively shown that sexuality education does not induce young people to have sex. They are more likely to go out and experiment in order to increase their knowledge.
Some parents think, “My child is too young”. The postponement of sexuality education is dangerous, as kids are bombarded with sexual messages every day and everywhere. If parents are not willing to provide information, the young person is going to get it elsewhere and this may be inaccurate. Misinformation is no better than no information.
How to Talk the “Big Talk”
Sometimes parents do not know what to say and feel very awkward. Educate yourself first. Make sure you have the most accurate medical information regarding sexual health to pass along to your kids. Don’t just talk about the physical aspects of sex; discuss relationships, love and your own values. Talk to your kids early and often about the issue. Provide your children with the facts, without exaggeration. Kids do want to hear from their parents, they want discussion: a respectful conversation that continues over the years and one that includes talks about values and relationships. What they don’t want is a 1-hour lecture on body parts. You need teachable moments – for example, while watching a sexually explicit advertisement on TV, reading news items on sexual harassment or discussing the relationship in a movie. It is important to let your children know that they can come and ask you anything and you will not walk away, change the topic or be shocked. Don’t assume that just because they ask you a question, they are having sex or because they don’t discuss the subject, that they are not.
Imparting Values
Teaching children about sexuality may seem straightforward: Just give them the facts about things like anatomy, reproduction and contraception. But your child wants more than facts: Children need to know what their parents think about topics like premarital sex, abortion and homosexuality and what are your values? In surveys, children want to learn about sexuality from their parents, but that their parents don’t talk to them enough. Even though many children never ask questions about sexuality, they still want to know.
Sex and the Media
Teach young people to view TV and movies with a critical eye. Emphasize that much of what they see, read or hear is not true. Teach that the media – especially commercials – often make people and things look different or better than they really are. Talk to your children about these images. Give them your values. The internet can offer adolescents wonderful opportunities, but it also poses new challenges for parents. How can you keep a 13-year-old safe online? Electronic parental controls can help, but they may also block useful sites. There is really no substitute for supervision. Tell your children not to exchange photos, email or accept friend request with strangers, never to give out personal information or plan to meet someone offline; and carefully supervise their chat room usage.
What do you do if your teenager is having sex?
You need to discuss it openly with your teenager. Find a quiet private time to talk. Be sure to clearly communicate your values about appropriate sexual behavior. Be sure that they are aware about protecting themselves from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Remember, young people who talk to their parents are more likely to delay sex and, if they do have intercourse, use protection.
Your teenager and her scanty clothing
Teens express themselves and announce that they are growing up by the way they dress. Start by talking to your daughter about what messages she wants to send with her appearance. Explain that even if she’s not trying to look sexy, some people may think she is. When you talk to her, try to make it a dialogue, and look for compromises. Perhaps you can buy her some clothes that will still make her feel more grown up. But remember, it’s your job to set limits on her behavior. Be sure she knows that your opinion about her clothes doesn’t affect how you feel about her. And don’t forget to remind her that looks aren’t important in life as character, intelligence, love and friendship.
Sexual abuse and rape
Sexual abuse is common. Abuse ranges from sexual comments to touching or grabbing. Most youngsters don’t report these incidents to an adult, so you need to raise the issue with your child; try using a news story about sexual abuse or rape. Sexual abuse is a serious crime and your child needs your help to stop it.
What does your teen need to know about contraception?
By high school, adolescents may have begun “going steady”. Make sure your child knows your family values about premarital sex and their abstinence is the only 100% effective way to prevent pregnancy and disease. But also know that if teens may have intercourse before they leave high school then they also need to know about contraception and condoms. Condoms are not foolproof in preventing pregnancy and infections. Most important, your children need to know that to have or not to have sex is an adult decision and they need adult advice to help them think it through.
When you talk to your teens frankly about sexuality, you have an opportunity to impart your values and hear their concern – and give them the skills they need to make healthy and ethical choices.