Evolve and Transform
SUICIDE – DO I DEAL WITH IT?
– Lugina Miranda
A GUIDE FOR RELATIVES AND FRIENDS
Many people at some time in their life think that they had ‘enough’ of living if they face a difficult situation in which they might not want to continue their life. For most of them, the thought of suicide pass quickly. These are the same reasons for the people to talk it over with friends, relatives or counselors and work out solutions to their problems and the thoughts will go away. For some however suicidal thoughts or plans become more persistent and are associated with severe psychological stress and life difficulties. The vast majorities of people who commit suicide see life only in black and white, and refuse to see another way out. They make fatal choice when they are alone and in a state of depression. They are unable to see their problems objectively and are not in a position to look for alternative course of action.
CAUSES for some people want to end their life:
The following mental illnesses are associated with suicide:
• Depression: This is the most important causes of suicide. Depression can make a person feel miserable, lose interest in life and lose hope for the future.
• Alcohol and drug misuse: Although many people drink alcohol and take drugs to feel better in fact, these substances act as depressants on the brain. The despair of not being able to stop the addiction, physical illness and financial problems make the person feel suicidal.
• Long term health problems: Serious and long-term illness make the sufferer feel suicidal.
• Severe mental disorder: People with psychosis are also at a risk of ending their life through suicide.
Some of the social and personal factors that can make a person unhappy and suicidal include:
• Unhappy relationships: Particularly an unhappy marriage, separation, divorce extra marital affairs, in-law problems, dowry harassment.
• Poverty and economic difficulties: unemployment, loss of employment or increasing responsibilities.
• Losing loved ones.
• Not having friends with whom to share their problems and feelings.
Suicide among the children and youth:
• Their family lives are unhappy, arguments between parents, argument with parents, and loss of parent, divorce, abuse, violence, and constant fight in the family.
• They are frustrated with their school performances, failing or not doing well in examination, increasing pressure to score good grades.
• They cannot be with someone they love, love affairs that are broken either by the parents or by the loved person.
• Sexual abuse, alcohol & drugs, suffering from physical pain or illness, severe depression or psychological problems and increasing emotional instability.
If someone threatens or makes statements referring suicide, TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY, as it is a cry for help. Many people have taken their lives when people thought their statements about suicide were “manipulative” or the person was being “melodramatic”. People, who have attempted suicide in the past, may be at risk of trying it again and possibly succeed, if they don’t get help for their depression.
Clues:
Most of the time, a suicidal person will give clues as to how desperate he/she is feeling. Some people might say they want to end their life in which case is a direct verbal clue. But some may say something like “everyone would be better off without me”, or “It doesn’t matter. I won’t be around much longer any way” or when one says that ‘this is the last time he is seeing you’, these are the indirect clues. Some may be subtle clues though, and that’s why knowing what to watch for is critical. Other danger signs are being preoccupied with death, losing interest in things one cares about, giving things away, settling his/her accounts, calling all his children – seeing them, performing some unusual religious duties, spending sleepless nights, engaging in risky behavior like reckless driving or general carelessness.
These are some suggestions to help out a suicidal person.
• Suicide is a sensitive and personal matter. Talk to the person in private. Give her/him enough time to feel comfortable and to share her /his reasons frankly.
• Be an active listener and acknowledge and accept their feelings even if they appear distorted.
• Try to give them hope and remind them what they are feeling is temporary without provoking guilt.
• Be there for them. Pamper them. Show love and encouragement.
• If you feel he is at risk of harming himself, spend time with him and ensure that he is not left alone.
• Ensure that all dangerous items, such as poison, knives or other weapons are kept away until they are safe.
• Help them get some help– If phone calls are needed for counseling, doctor’s appointment or any professional health workers etc.,
• If there is a child of the suicidal person witnessing the parent’s crisis, try to get the child out of there into a friend or relative’s home. This situation is extremely traumatic for children.
• Do not give advice.
• Do not make judgments about their character.
• Do not make reassuring statements without fully understanding their situation because this may make them feel even more hopeless.
• Do not dare him or her to “do it”.
• Do not debate whether suicide is right or wrong.
• Do not allow yourself to be sworn to secrecy.
REMEMBER:
The best way of helping them is keeping in touch regularly; identifying areas of strength such as supportive relationship or an occupational skill. Building up a trusting relationship may help the person to look on the brighter side rather than commit suicide. Also remember that you can only do what you are able to do; if your friend or loved one is intent upon ending life you are NOT responsible. People who are contemplating suicide go back and forth, thinking about life and death. It gives them hope when they know that they can be helped, that there are treatments available for their illness, that isn’t their fault and that they are not alone.
Suicide is misunderstood by most people. Stigma keeps people from getting help, and prevents society from learning more about suicide and depression. If everyone were educated on these subjects, many lives could be saved!