Evolve and Transform
PUNISHMENT AND ALTERNATIVES
– Lugina Miranda
Priyanka, a 10 year old girl studying in std. V, was kneeling down outside her classroom. She was punished for not doing her homework. As per the teacher it was a simple punishment as a disciplinary measure. With the teacher’s permission I took her aside and sat in a private place. We sat quietly for some time. Priyanka was fidgeting with her fingers, while sitting facing towards me and lowering her head with droopy shoulders. I began the conversation. She did not give me eye contact and I could see tears rolling down her cheeks. After building rapport, during our conversation, she said, “While kneeling down I wished that the earth would open up and swallow me”. Little Priyanka was unable to express her feelings of humiliation, shame and helplessness. Her self esteem had come down. Simple punishment did cause damage to her personality!
Arun, a 15 year old boy, student of std. X was asked to run 5 rounds around the school ground because he did not come in full uniform. He was feeling ashamed and was full of anger that he felt like giving a slap to the teacher. He was more aggressive than feeling guilty.
A group of students standing in the corridor would cover their face with books while somebody passes them. When there is nobody, they start laughing and making fun. They were punished for not completing their assignment.
Punishment is the consequence of undesirable or unwanted act/behavior. The main intention of punishment is to correct the misbehavior or to make it less likely to occur in the future.
The fact is that punishments are not only ineffective but also harmful. It promotes misbehavior, aggression, hatred, revenge, low self esteem, guilt, unworthiness and self pity.
Is sparing the rod spoiling the child?
Hitting children has been used as a method of discipline for thousands of years. However this does not make it right! Ask yourself this question- “Do I like to be beaten?” If the answer is “No”, then we should treat others the same way we would like to be treated.
Physical punishment is generally only used when the adult has lost control– it is an adult temper tantrum. When reminding, scolding, shouting etc., have failed they feel frustrated and then they hit. This is very similar to what children do when they are angry! Beating a child shows that it is okay to hit when angry and it models a wrong kind of behavior. It makes the victim seek revenge because nobody likes to be hit. It may stop the misbehavior for the moment, but it does not teach the child what to do in the future. Physical punishment leaves the adult feeling guilty and wondering whether they should have been more patient or tried something less harsh to discipline the child.
So what are the Alternatives to Punishment?
1. Point out a way to be helpful: Children can be told what to do in a kind and firm manner.
2. Express strong disapproval without an attacking character: Children should know that adults have negative feeling too. However these feelings must be expressed in the right way.
3. State your expectations: Standards of behavior can be communicated in a respectful manner. One cannot teach politeness by being rude!
4. Show the child how to make amends: All of us make mistakes and we need to learn that we can undo this damage to a great extent. This teaches us to correct our actions and take full responsibility to rectify the situation.
5. Take action: Actions speak louder than words, especially nagging words! Take action before feelings of frustration and anger set in; otherwise the “action” may turn into a slap!
6. Allow the child to experience the consequences of his misbehavior: These consequences must be logical. Making child stand outside the class for forgetting his book or not doing an assignment is completely illogical. Asking him/her to do his work on a sheet of loose paper and then having him copy it again in his fair book is logical.
7. Problem – solving the “win–win” method: This is an excellent method of discipline, when the child’s co-operation is required to solve the problem. It helps the young person to think of solutions and actively engages her in the process of resolution. The goal is to create ‘win-win’ situation and find alternatives that are acceptable to both parties.
Good behavior can be promoted by setting the rules, understanding the behavior, staying in control of the situation, praising good behavior and being consistent with discipline.