ARE WE PUSHING OUR KIDS TOO HARD..?

– Lugina Miranda

Mrs. Kumar brought her 10 year old son Akshay to me. Her concern was that he often complains of headache, non-stop cold and cough.  He is not showing any interest in studies. He does not want to go to school and never completes his school work. Teachers also complain about him very often. Sometimes he sits blankly, watching the sky and birds.

Both Mr. and Mrs. Kumar are working and they do not have time to sit with him for studies. So they send him for tuitions after school so that he does not waste time watching TV and playing at home. She also took him to the doctor where she found out that everything was normal. Akshay was a bright child and had scored A+ in all the subjects earlier. He says that he gets up at 7a.m. He has to leave his home at 8.15a.m and comes back only at 3.30 p.m. He goes for tuitions at 4.00p.m which gets over at 9.30 p.m. Then he comes home, has dinner and goes to sleep.    

Deepthi, a std. IX student was referred by her class teacher for counseling. Deepthi says she feels nervous to talk to anyone or to perform on the stage. She also feels tensed as exams approach. Her parents expect her to score high marks. Most of the time, she forgets what she studies. She goes for tuitions twice a day and once back home she’ll spend all her time on studies till she goes to bed. Her interaction with her family members is only during dinner time, weekends and holidays.   

Carol, a 12 year old girl was brought to me by her mother. She says that Carol is not showing interest in studies. Her grades are down in spite of having enough time for studies and going for tuitions. Carol says she gets up early morning to go for tuitions and after school she goes for swimming and for dance classes during weekends. By the time she reaches home she feels tired. When she sits for studies, she feels sleepy. 

Does Akshay, Deepthi, & Carol require to study so many hours a day? Where is the time to play, interact with parents and do creative things which they like to do – watch or learn something new other than Academics?

Every parent want their kids to be the best, perfectly behaved, well dressed, competitive, top his/her class with A+ grades and so on. We seem to expect perfection. In pursuit of this perfection we pressurize and push the children beyond what they can cope up. As a result the child feels lost and confused. His/her self-esteem comes down and the confidence is shaken.

These days’ kids have tight schedule like MNC executives. Today, most of our kids are deprived of being a kid and from their ‘care-free’ activities.  Where are the evening games which children were playing in the neighborhood? Do we get to hear their laughter, screams, joy, cry etc.?  Where are the exploring ways of watching sky, birds, earth, ants, flowers, plants, trees, new roads and new games? All these are disappearing! Soon our children can’t even have a sweet memory of their childhood.

Evening play is as much important as studies. It provides a favorable atmosphere and socialization which kids require. Play provides physical exercise which is essential for Growth – both physical and mental. It boosts their overall health and happiness quotient. It also helps children to do much better in School work.

A child’s first relationship in his/her life is with the parents. So have a family time. There are a lot of questions to be answered by you. There are lots of experiences to be shared by your child about their school and friends. They want ATTENTIVE LISTENING EARS! Take your kids along with you for simple tasks like washing, cleaning, cooking and also while relaxing. Reading small story books to them or sharing with them some inspiring stories, playing indoor and outdoor games and going for a stroll with them will definitely uplift them in no small measure.

For Parents who often worry about their ward not doing well at school it is important to discuss and identify the problem so that remedial therapy can be started at the earliest.

Set limits and boundaries and be consistent to follow the rules. If your child makes mistakes let him face the consequences also. Don’t forget to appreciate his/her efforts. Respect his/her ability and interest. Don’t take away the hopes. Express your love with hugs and kisses. Your child will grow up just fine. 

  • Let children make choices
  • Show respect for child’s struggle
  • Don’t ask too many questions
  • Don’t hurry to answer
  • Encourage children to use sources outside home
  • Don’t be too protective. Let children face disappointments
  • Praise whenever children behave appropriately
  • Listen to them attentively
  • Empathize child’s feelings and expectations
  • Follow consistency in Discipline.